But, MOM!
by GSandM
Summary: Kirihara's teacher has requested a parent teacher conference! Unfortunately, his parents can't go. Luckily he has the nicest buchou and fukubuchou... right?


_♥Rikkai, Rikkaidai, Rikkai Dai, Rikkai Daigaku Fuzoku, 私立立海大附属中学校! Call them what ever you want, but this is a story about them and for them._

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Hi, it's me, Hanabi-chan! Along with... dun dun dun, Saka-chan! Now, I know you people are used to our very weird Rikkai Dai humor fics... well, guess what? This ones no exception! Maybe it's the weirdest idea we've gotten in a while, what, with our in-progress 'Life Beneath the Sakura Tree', which we wanted a teensy break from. Don't worry, it's just a teensy one! .

**Rating:** K+

**Gene:** Humor

**Starring:** The Rikkaidai Regulars

**Summary:** Kirihara's teacher has requested a parent-teacher conference! Unfortunately, his parents can't go. Luckily he has the nicest buchou and fukubuchou... right?

**Warning (s): **Plain stupidity, cross-dressing and some horrible cos-play.

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**Begin.**

_Here I am, I, Sanada Genichirou in detention. I don't even know how the hell it happened. It was Kirihara's fault. All of it. Glancing about, I see Yukimura still writing his apology essay. _

_During practice tomorrow, I'm going to wring the boy's neck._

Kirihara Akaya, known for his exceptional tennis skills, the youngest member of the Rikkaidai Tennis Club and one of their aces. Although, his skills in the courts, were lacking in the classrooms. ACTUALLY, it was lacking to the point where the teacher had decided to go to... PLAN 'P'.

Calling Kirihara's... PARENTS! THE HORROR!

Now, Kirihara knew his parents would just not approve of this. They may even make him postpone his tennis until his behavior was well again. And that was something that should NEVER happen. So, when the call had come at his home, he had deleted the message that was left. Although, according to the message, his teacher had expected BOTH of his parents in the classroom tomorrow, RIGHT after school!

**//'.;Next Scene;.'\**

If any common 'passer-byer' had seen this sight that was in front of their eyes, they'd snicker.

Or go into a coma.

Just by looking at them—an older looking boy, dressed neatly in a tie, more-than-obvious fake mustache, over-sized glasses, with a dark scowl and ominous frown on his face, with a way haired woman, pearl necklace and long knee-lengthen skirt-like dress, slightly twitching, followed closely by a young care-free boy, curly black hair and a wide grin plastered on his face—it gives the viewer an impression that the their was something utterly strange and disturbingly familiar of this 'family'.

Kirihara chuckled at this, it was his fault. REALLY. While his fukubuchou simply couldn't care less. "Let them believe whatever they want to believe. I don't care", he would say. But Kirihara knew that he had to fight the urge of using his super... KENDO POWERS! YEAH! And then beating the crap out of them...

"Ah, we're here!" Kirihara exclaimed.

**//'.;Next Scene;.'\**

Just an hour ago...

"BUUCHOOOUUUU!!" Kirihara ran, panting all the way to practice, gripping tightly an envelope in his hand. "BUUCHOUU!! I need a favor..." He trailed off as he came running... a little TOO fast, knocking himself into a passing-by Yagyuu.

"A favor?" Yukimura asked, coming in from the courts.

"Ouch." Yagyuu muttered.

The kouhai nodded eagerly.

Sanada just shook his head, from afar of course, he was NOT getting involved.

"Nani?" he asked, in anything but an irritated tone of voice.

"Uh... I got something in the mail today..." He said, waving the letter as he tried to keep a straight face.

"It's a letter from the school. Rikkai Dai." Niou said, swiping the letter from the olive eyed boy.

"Oi! Give that back, Niou-senpai!"

"What's going on here?" Jackal asked, a little uncertain if he really wanted to be told.

"Aka-chan, you got mail!?" Marui exclaimed happily, taking the letter from NIOU.

"Ahh, give the letter back senpai-tachi!"

"Great. More things I'm going to have to put up with..." Jackal sighed.

"Buchou," Kirihara looked at him with a serious expression on his face. "This is serious. They've written that they want a Parent - Teacher conference. Ne, Buchou, can you help me out?"

"What do you mean?" Yukimura was now curious. "Didn't you tell your parents?"

Niou smirked. "Ah, looks like baby-brat was misbehaving again!" He laughed.

"Shut up, Niou-senpai!"

Just then YANAGI came walking up to the regulars, a slightly quizzed look on his face, he asked, "And what is all this I hear about Akaya getting in trouble... again."

"They want a Parent - Teacher conference." Yagyuu answered simply, adjusting his glasses, which he had picked up from the floor due to a CERTAIN kouhai.

"Oooh, that's BAD!" Yanagi exclaimed, being no help at all.

"I know THAT, Yanagi-senpai! That's why I need buchou's help!"

"Just throw that away and pretend that you never received it." Sanada said, because he just wanted the regulars to return to tennis practice. It was always SOMETHING or other that delayed them from practice. Oooh, how that ANNOYED Sanada.

"But then they'll keep sending letters and maybe even come here! Maybe they'll make me... QUIT TENNIS!!!" Kirihara looked at him with his bright green eyes, terrified of the thought of not being able to play tennis.

That's how it STARTED.

Then again, that's how it _always_ started.

"Geez. What a hassle, can't you just tell your parents?" Sanada muttered, waving his tennis racket in the air. Apparently, everyone was forgetting TENNIS!

"Well..." Kirihara gave a small smile.

A small smile that meant BIG trouble.

Sanada didn't like that smile.

Neither did Yukimura.

Nope. They didn't like it one bit.

**//'.;Next Scene;.'\**

"Buchou, fukubuchou! Hurry up!" Kirihara called, standing in front of the change room, which was currently occupied by a frustrated Sanada, cursing himself as to how this had happened. He should of said NO, buuut, Yukimura was going, and God knows what kind of trouble that little devil for a kouhai was going to get him into.

In the end, the poor fukubuchou was dragged along against his will.

Again.

Poor Yukimura's hair was neatly clipped to make him... er her, look older. He wore a pale blue dress embroidered with white and pale green flowers, which looked like they seemed to be falling and gathering at the bottom of his dress.

It had straps and a somewhat low front—and was padded for extra effect.

God knows where Kirihara got it.

No one wanted to know either.

To throw it off, Yukimura had gotten a pale brown trench coat, which, as Kirihara had instructed him, he would hang it on a 'metal tree' with 'branches' sticking out in a weird matter. Also known as a coat hanger. But not for Kirihara! Just then, Sanada barged out of the change room, where Kirihara had laid out his clothes.

A pale pink polo shirt and a pair of brown jeans. To top that off, huge glasses with swirls, a too-fake-for-it's-own-good mustache. Really, Sanada had no idea how he had gotten himself into this situation.

"What the hell is this?" Sanada muttered darkly.

"Sanada-fukubuchou, about time!" Kirihara had his hands on his hips, as if he had been waiting for hours just for Sanada.

"You look '_adorable',_ Sanada-fukubuchou!" A snarl was heard from the back.

Niou was holding a camera.

"Don't even_ think_ about it."

"Say cheeeeeese, fukubuchou!"

"IF YOU TOUCH THE—"

_Click._

"It's not that bad!" Marui looked at the picture. It was a digital camera.

Sanada fought back the urge to kill.

"When we get back, I swear I'll give you 100 laps, Niou!!"

"Whatever, Fukubuchou!"

"Break that camera. Erase all evidence."

"But you look so cute, Genichirou." Yanagi added, popping into the scene.

"Can it, Yanagi."

"Genichirou, that was mean."

"I could frame it and hang it on our Tennis Room." Marui laughed.

"Tennis Room?" Yagyuu said slowly.

"Don't even think about it!"

"Geez. Fukubuchou. You can really be crabby at times."

"Just shut up." he scowled as Kirihara opened the front door for them.

"That's not how you should talk to your son,_ Genichirou_," he teased.

"KIRIHARA!!!"

"..."

**//'.;Next Scene;.'\**

The teacher looked up from her record book to face Kirihara throwing his coat on top of a bookshelf. Apparently he had forgotten his own rule of coat hanging. The poor fool. Yukimura was actually the only one who had hung up his coat, before Kirihara tried to follow his example and bring the whole hanger into two pieces.

Sanada didn't care about bringing a coat, although he froze on the way to the school.

"Good afternoon," Yukimura smiled at Kirihara's teacher, who was raising her eyebrow at him and Sanada.

She was a brunette with her hair tied behind her head in a knot. Her glasses made her look formal and business-like.

"Uhh, you must be Akaya-kun's...parents?" she asked as Sanada took a seat in front of her desk. Yukimura took the seat across her. Kirihara sat next to the tennis buchou.

"Yes, I am. Yukimu—uh…" he looked over at Sanada, mentally screaming for help. "I-I'm… eto, did I say Yukimura?! Ha, ha, ha… no um… I meant… Honey, tell her what I meant!" Yukimura said through gritted teeth.

"His—er, _her_, name is… Desk… Deskalina?" Sanada mumbled, wishing he could just disappear. Kirihara just gave him this look, wondering how on Earth Sanada had come up with such a lame name. Yukimura just looked at the teacher, who was giving them looks of suspicion.

The teacher, once again, looked at the both of them, seeing no resemblance.

"Is he your biological son… Deskalina-san?"

"Oh, yes." Yukimura nodded. "I had a lot of trouble bearing him those times." He added on, just like Niou had taught him. Yukimura was never a really good actor, but seeing as Niou lied all the time and got away with it, the trickster decided to teach a thing or two to his buchou.

"I don't see much resemblance, though"

"He looks more like his… his…"

"His uncle." Sanada finished and received a grateful look from Yukimura.

The teacher gave a small smile. "I'm sure Akaya-kun does."

Kirihara gave a little scowl.

"Is he your only child?"

"Yes, and he turned out perfectly!" Yukimura pinched Kirihara cheeks, for effect, just like Niou had told.

The teacher was still smiling at this.

"Are you a late mother?" she asked again.

_'Geez'_ Yukimura thought. _'This was supposed to be about Akaya.'_

"Well, you can say that." The buchou smiled sweetly.

"You look awfully young."

"Oh," Yukimura gave a little laugh. "It's just the make up."

The teacher kept her smile. "I see, I see. Although you two do look awfully familiar. Someone I've seen in the tennis team perhaps?"

"Now, I'm sure you called us because of something concerning our _son,_ I'd like to know what that is." Sanada spoke furiously. It was bad enough to call Kirihara his son as it was, but even worse to be suspected of... well, the truth!

"Yes, father's right!" Kirihara beamed. Oh how he was enjoying this.

Every time Sanada heard the word 'father', he cringed.

Just the thought of being Kirihara's parents —— (shudders)

"Well you see," the teacher opened her record book. "He is doing fairly well, academically. His scores are usually in the top three. It's just that his subject teachers are having a problem with him _behavior wise._"

"I see…" Yukimura nodded, as if he was in deep thought, like how Niou taught him.

_'Geez, is that it? You should see him play tennis.'_

Kirihara seemed to have read Sanada's mind since he shot him a glare.

"Well, he rarely pays attention in class. At the point wherein he practically never pays attention in class. If he's not asleep, he walks out of the classroom and doesn't listen to whatever the teachers tell him. He sometimes talks back, which is very disrespectful!" the teacher said as if it was the most disrespectful thing in history of well... HISTORY!

_'Sheesh. What else is new.' _Sanada sighed.

"Isn't it your responsibility to keep him in the classroom and make him participate?" Sanada asked.

"It is, but it has gotten to the point wherein he doesn't seem to care about what any of the teachers say. It seems that he is craving for attention." The teacher shook her head. "Perhaps he has A.D.D. Attention Deficit Disorder."

"WHAT!"

_'Ha!'_ Sanada hid his snicker well.

"Dear me…"

"I see." Yukimura nodded, as if concerned. "Well, he is a very sensitive child. And since I work three jobs, I don't think we've given him enough attention."

Kirihara shot the buchou a 'stop it' look. He didn't appreciate being called the following: _sensitive_ and _child_.

"It really does seem so." The teacher nodded in agreement, still keeping that smile on her face. "So, where exactly do you live?"

"Um, well you see… Akaya live with his uncle most of the time. It's very complicated family business." Yukimura gave a friendly laugh. "It must be the other reason he craves so much attention." He hoped that would steer the nosy lady off subject until he could make up a lame street name.

"No, no. On which _street_!" _'Why is she so nosy!?'_

"…It's a far off place called, well, MapleGrovenington?"

"Really?" the teacher asked. "I've never heard of that place before."

"Oh, it's very far away." Yukimura waved his hand in the air. "Which I think is why our son seems to be craving for attention. I leave before he wakes up as to get to work early, and when I go back home he's already asleep." he sighed, like it was the truth.

"But I can't do much, of course. I have to do it to keep us alive. I just wish that he'd understand that." Yukimura looked like he was burdened, just like how Niou taught him.

_'Hand on chest. Tilt your head. Not that far. Look down. Frown. Not that much. Okay, now sigh. Shake head a little. Stop.'_

_'Geez,'_ Sanada thought. _'If he didn't join the tennis team, he could make a living as an actor'._

"One more thing," the teacher looked at them, still smiling. "Your son seems to be very agitated, do you feed him sugar?"

"Agitated?" Sanada asked.

"Yes. He always seems to talk about tennis, or some sort of useless sport."

"USELESS SPORT?!" Sanada and Kirihara shot up from their seats. Sanada had had the last straw. Yes, he got dragged into this. Yes, he had to pretend to be Kirihara's father. Sure, it happened to be the teacher he had come to hate most. But now way IN HELL was she going to insult tennis and get away with it!

Calmly, he started to speak. "Now listen here, you can go ahead calling Kirihara dumb, attention-wanting, or whatever. But never, NEVER, insult tennis."

"Yeah!" Kirihara cheered on. "H-Hey wait!"

The teacher looked at the 'father and son' in disgust. "Like father, like son."

"Excuse me?"

"WHAT!?"

"Oh, this is just what too much television can bring!" Yukimura quickly covered up.

_'Throw head back. Wave hand in the air. Frown. Put hand down. Sigh. Look at teacher in the eye,'_

"I keep telling him not to watch too much of it." Yukimura began. "But he seems to rebel against whatever my husband an I say. I try to make him understand that I can't be there at times wherein I have to, but he simply won't. It's a very difficult life."

_'Hand on chest. Frown. Look down. Gasp for air. Not that much. Sniff. Louder.'_

"Don't you think you should spend more time with him?" The teacher asked, still eyeing Sanada from the corner of her eye. She just KNEW there was something familiar about him. Something she just couldn't quite put her finger on…

"Oh, my jobs inhibit me from doing so. I work seven days a week, fifteen hours a day, just so I could keep our way of living."

It looked like a sob fest.

"My husband Sana—I mean," Yukimura quickly looked around the room, in search for a name. "—Chalkboardo… um, works even more than I do. It's the only way we can earn ends-meat."

Sanada growled.

"I understand that it should be hard for him to grow up alone…" Yukimura sighed.

It really looked like he was emoting.

More than the usual, at least.

Sanada narrowed his eyes. What the hell was he doing? The agreement was that he nods at whatever the teacher says.

"I almost died at childbirth."

_' What the _-/;CENSORED;\- ' was Sanada's thoughts exactly.

Kirihara just looked on ahead. He didn't question anything.

"But seeing him now is worth it," Yukimura looked at him with kind and loving eyes, but Sanada and Kirihara could see a flicker of sadistic amusement.

"You have a very kind and loving mother, Akaya-kun." The teacher looked at him. "And a very weird father."

The other two saw Sanada's firm grip on his shirt.

Kirihara snickered.

_'This is fun'._

"You should really learn from her, Chalkboardo-san." The teacher kept that plastic smile plastered on her face.

"Well, if that's it, then I think we can go already." Yukimura looked at his watch, knowing that in a while his parents would start wondering why on Earth their son was in a dress.

Sanada just nodded, while Kirihara bounced about. Although he was still embarrassed of being called a 'sensitive child'.

"That certainly does cover it." The teacher said. She looked at Kirihara. "I expect a change from you, young man!" she said sternly. The smile was still there. And it freaked Sanada out.

"Well, our Akaya certainly is a good boy, ne, Chalkboardo?" Yukimura asked kindly, picking up his jacket from the floor.

"Hn." Was all Sanada said, not appreciating his 'name'. "Kirihara is just Kirihara." It was at that moment things began to fall apart. Let's start with the fact that Sanada just called his 'son' by his last name. For the second time, the teacher noticed. Next we have Yukimura bending down to pick up his jacket after Kirihara broke the coat rack. Unfortunately, his cough… 'padding' came off, resulting to a thousand tiny little sphere-shaped objects.

"Crap."

"Buchou?"

"Buchou!?" the teacher asked.

"Ehehe…" Yukimura laughed uneasily. Sanada tried to help him up only to have the thick glasses covering his eyes fall off.

"…We're in trouble aren't we, Genichirou."

"It would seem so."

"I… I had nothing to do with it!" Kirihara immediately played 'innocent'. "THEY MADE ME!!"

_And so, here I am, writing an 11-page essay on the explanation on what happened. I don't know what annoyed me more. The fact that I was dragged into something, yet again, or the fact that Kirihara go off scotch free? _

_Maybe both? _

_Well, this is a lesson well learnt. Never pretend to be you kouhai's parents. _

_Man, I never thought I'd say that.

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Ne, ne, how weird was that? We hope you liked it, please some input would be nice. Oh yeah, and we'll be updating our Rikkai Vacation story soon... most likely it will be out tomorrow, if not later today? Ah, well. Please **review**. And thank you!

Prince of Tennis © Takeshi Konomi


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